Looking Back...

Looking Back
Written in August 2008

When I look back at the past few years of my life… of these pre-deep brain stimulation (DBS) surgery, before I regained my life…
Memories come back, on the days I had to find a shelter since I got kicked out of my temporary housing because I tested positive for cocaine. I found a shelter where you had to register by 3:15pm… wait till 5:00pm for dinner… go to church for 15 minutes minimum, and then shower at 7:15pm… To bed by 8:30pm and lights out at 9:00pm.
Wake up is at 4:30am and out on the street at 5:00am…
The first time I was homeless was at the end of November / early December, so you can imagine how cold it felt at 5:00am (around 15-25 degrees Fahrenheit)… of course one could wait till 6:30am for the kitchen to open for breakfast…
As an addict I needed to stay in the streets till I tested negative… then I could go to another SLE (sober living environment), till I get caught again…
This routine of homelessness became so repetitive that it is a miracle that anyone survives in these circumstances…
Drugs and addiction are a real problem… I was lucky that I discovered about the compulsive behavior effects of my Parkinson medication (Requip and Meripex)… the more I was shaking, or witnessing stiffness, the more meds I was taking… which led me to seek more drugs, which led me to try other drugs… which, luckily, I failed to be attracted to its effects… so I stayed with crack…
Was I an addict… were the effects of compulsive behavior a form of addiction… If so, how come that my craving for crack cocaine disappeared… another craving which disappeared was cigarettes… it took me a week and, voila… cigarette craving is gone.
Next month will be two years since I stopped …
Two years since I stopped craving for drugs, or cigarettes…
Two years since I regained my smile…
Two years since I am a new man…